The straw that broke the big girl’s back…

Posted by: bree on: July 8, 2012

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Where I am now…on the left with my cousin Dakota

I have had so many moments of clarity. You know the ones where suddenly you know that things need to change. Some may have it when they are fed up with their jobs, or taken the final straw with an unworthy partner. Mine often come in the fitting room of clothing stores, when I am trying on a pair of jeans for a night out, or when I see pictures of myself on Facebook (is anyone else surprised by their size in pics online? I always think I’m smaller and looked cuter in a dress until I see the evidence, published for all the world to see).

One came the other day when I was trying on coloured jeans (because even a big girl wants to be trendy) in a size 14 at Superstore, and the damn Joe pants wouldn’t even come up to my thighs. I wrestled with them while coming to the very scary realization that not even the size 16, had there been one to try on, would’ve fit. And this is after I lost almost 20 pounds 3 months ago placing 3rd in the Biggest Loser competition at work.

Another came last weekend while trying on bathing suits (something that can send even the most toned, skinny chick into a body image panic). Even the size 16 tankinis and full suits were a lil snug on my curves, mostly in the bust. I won’t mince words here:  I have huge boobs. While I like to show off my cleavage from time to time, I am growing tired of how ridiculously large my boobs have gotten. And I know if I were to lose weight, my boobs would benefit. I have always had curves, but as evidenced by the alphabet list of bras stuck at the back of my drawer, my boobs have gone up and down in size as my weight fluctuated. But now their size makes finding a properly-fitting bra difficult, and expensive. In terms of bathing suits, I had to go with whatever fit, leaving me sad that I was reduced to a boring, sporty blue and white striped Nike tankini to pair with my XL bottoms from Walmart that magically still fit (no tops from Superstore or Walmart have a chance of fitting my upper half now). But anyone who knows me, knows that my style is not sporty or plain. I want a sexy black and gold bathing suit, or a cute polka dot bikini. Once again, I was having to sacrifice style in the name of fit and function (who wants to scare off her 14 year old niece and friends by having a boob slip out while out on the lake?). I couldn’t go for what I liked, instead I settled for what I could fit over my boobs, butt and belly.

So I made a decision (one I have made tons of times before) to work harder to lose the weight and finally put the effort in to get in shape. The difference with this time is, I am going to document everything on this blog, and hopefully it will keep me accountable. I have been reading tons about Clean Eating, experimenting with new recipes, and visiting a few blogs dedicated to the priniciples and practices. I thought if others could write about their weight loss struggles and triumphs, and their adventures with healthy eating and exercise, so could I.

I have tried Weight Watchers, the Long Beach Diet, Visalus and the torture that is the maple syrup-cayenne pepper-lemon juice cleanse, as well as an assortment of other diet fads. Now I am going to try something new:  a whole lifestyle change. I am going to be more conscious of what I put in my body, and more dedicated towards getting it in shape. I don’t think fads and cleanses work, in the long run, and I am tired of spending my money and time on programs that don’t deliver. So I need to change my approach to food; eat healthy and as “clean” as I can, without completely depriving myself (because that is the surest way for me to end up binging). I am going to believe in what all those gorgeous, fit movie stars say: “Everything in moderation.” I might not be blessed with the genes to look anything like them, but that doesn’t mean I can’t put in the effort and time to become the best version of me.

Here are the tools I am currently relying on in my quest for a lighter, brighter Bree:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ what I turned to after failing again at Weight Watchers, which definitely works for some, but I am cheap and this is free! Plus, it has everything from Costco to Original Joes, and even obscure things from Alternate Roots.

http://www.thegraciouspantry.com/ go under Clean Eating 101 to understand Clean Eating better; it’s nothing new or inventive, just really makes sense.

http://ohsheglows.com/ I love her Green Monster smoothie. Thanks to Nicole Agar for telling me about this amazing site.

http://www.cleaneatingmag.com/ where many of my recipes come from. I also get a lot of helpful cooking tips and even use parts of their menu plans and grocery lists. Thank you to the girls at Bewitched Hair Salon for introducing me to the magazine, and in turn a new way to view food.